To be really honest, i've never ever hated someone before.
Dislike, annoyed, angry, yes. But to "hate", well... i've used the word as a form of expression, but i've never truly hated anyone. It's really too strong a feeling, so yeah, never.
So i was rather surprised when yesterday night, at a split of a second, my head suddenly told me i hated someone.
And funnily enough, it was like there's someone inside saying, "I hate that person. I hate that person."
It was not a nice feeling, mind you, but for that moment, all i felt towards that person was just hatred. It was not dislike, annoyed nor angry anymore.
But at the next moment, it daunted me on how much i will dislike myself then, because if i don't like someone, i don't find the need to be nice to the person. Just be civilized, end.
But due to certain unexplainable, not malicious nor pretentious in every way... hmm, let's just say obligation reasons, even if i hated that someone, i will still have to be nice. Thus, the dislike.
I'm not being all noble and all, it's just the way i am. I don't want to have to pretend because i don't like it at all. I don't like it when people "pretend-pretend" with me, so i don't find the need to do that to others as well. Plus, it tires me out, and it will make me dislike myself for doing it.
Then somehow or rather i was distracted, or my mind derailed to something else, or maybe it's just my short-term memory what turf... and then wah-lah, the feelings were gone.
I guess it helped that i figured out a way to solve it too, and it is rather nice to know that perhaps i don't actually hate that person, but maybe because i don't like what had happened that it turned inwards and was giving me all those negative thoughts, which really really sucked.
But either ways, all is well now, and i'm really glad everything's sorta ok now! I hope the solution i figured out work, and as long as that person don't bugger it up, i don't see a reason why it would not work =D!
All-in-all, it's just nice to learn something new about yourself every now and then. I do it everyday *Hyuk-style*. ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
One thing a friend of mine had told me which had really stuck into me:
"Always have positive thoughts on others."Sometimes it can be difficult when that particular person has been doing some really nasty things towards you, but hey, when you just do it, it's really not too bad after all. =)