Tuesday, July 20, 2010

To a better day =D.

I do not believe in treating someone in a more "special way" just because i want to rip some benefit off that person, and then ignore them after (until when needed).
This is because i myself do not like to be treated that way, and therefore i feel i should not do so too.

If you treat someone with truth, and er, whole heartedly, that person should and would know, and will be able to feel your sincerity and care.

If they don't, it's either that person is taking you for granted, or it might just mean that you have to try harder.

Or maybe, from the beginning, and always, you really are just using that person so to benefit yourself only.

Today, i thought maybe i had it wrong... again... and chose to give you benefit of the doubt... again... but you choose to let me be right... again...

Multiple "again" because this is not the first time i had thought so. In fact, i lost count because it has been so long!
Countless times i tried to convince myself that i was wrong, but... well apparently, i was wrong in being wrong.

I won't say it's "giving chances" or whatsoever, how arrogant will that seem!

But rather, it's because i chose to believe in you all these while, and maybe somewhere in me, i really really want myself to be wrong, that you really cared for me, and not just for any gain to yourself.

Oh well!

Thank you for letting me see who you really are all these while!
I'm not saying this in a cynical way, but truthfully, i really am!

You may say that i have changed. You may give reasons for why you had acted that way (by blaming that it is "my fault" - not the first time). You may make up stories so to seem like the "victim" (as always, and i am the "bad guy" boohoohoo *sarcasm*), etc etc.

Though truth be told, it takes two to tango no?
Maybe i do have faults myself, but don't you think if you had not acted that way (only approaching me for the benefits), maybe things wouldn't have turned out this way?

Whatever it may be, i know i'm not losing out on anything, or am i?
Probably someone who i can rely on when i needed someone?
That said, past experience has told me that, even when i was deluded before and thought you were really someone i could count on, yet... you had failed me countless times then.
So what makes you think things will change in the future?

Really, be what it may be, i just know that it will be mighty silly of me to ever think i could depend on you again.

I'm not putting a blame on anyone, but rather, it's more to maybe we just want different things.

I want someone who i can rely on and not to be contacted only when you can rip some or any sort of benefit from it.
You want someone who you could manipulate and use, or rather, someone who will always be there for you only when you want them. (and tucked away neatly not-to-be-seen when not needed what turf)

So yeah, let's just go our different ways! =D

I know due to certain reasons that tie may not be severed completely whatever happens, so i'm choosing to er, "be there" just for obligation purposes, but not because you are in any way that special person to me you once was.

Not because i know better now, but because honestly, i cannot bear to er, for lack of better word, "be disposable" anymore.
It hurts more than you think really.

And yes, to end it with my usual stride:
(nah, it's a just because thing, it is in no way cryptic nor aimed at anyone.)

ps: OMG this sounds like a post-breakup letter or something i ASSURE you it is NOT. Rather, it is someone who i thought of more like a friend, but who had disappointed me countless times.
I'm sorry if it was misleading meh.

pps: I am not planning on telling that person, because as mentioned, they will come out with all sorts of reason (rather drama really) to justify themselves and i will seem like the "bad guy" and all, and quite frankly, i am seriously tired of all the dramas.

ppps: I'm not the "good guy" either though.
I'm just very very selfish, and would like to put myself ahead of everything else 8D.
Yes, my feelings matters most!

Ok bye!

Edit: I guess some people will never change. Not guilty whatsoever now, just glad i realize it early!
Oh and note, guilt instilling from said mentioned doesn't work anymore. Glad!
Because i've seen the error of my ways, and can clearly see the hidden message and meaning behind it all =).

Either ways, because i'm too lazy to be involved anymore... 끝.

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