Sunday, October 08, 2006

Is it that fun to always put all the blames on me?

**I was supposed to write this post on my darling DongWan-oppa, RyeoWook-yah and ChangMin-yah, but something which had happened just now made me want to write about this first.**

As my title has said, Is it that fun to always put ALL the blames on me?

Ever since young, whenever something wrong happens which my mom spotted (Forget to switch off lights, forget to lock the door etc), she would naturally turn to the person whose easiest to blame, and always around downstairs.

ME.

My mom won't ask "Who didn't switch off the lights?" or so, she would just proceed to blame me that I didn't switch off the lights!

I DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH THE DAMN LIGHT SWITCH! How do you expect me to switch-it-off, when i didn't even switch-it-on?

I would explain its possibly my brother who did so, which she would then say i could've just help switch it off when i see it...

What? I'm in the computer room, how do i even know that my brother didn't switch off the lights after he left the living room?

What do you think i am, a psychic? That i can know what is happening in the living room all the time, even though i'm busy drooling over my idols in the computer room to even care if the sky falls down "most" of the time?

This would NEVER happen to my brothers.

Somehow, its easier for my mother to blame me for EVERYTHING (And i do mean EVERYTHING!), since i'm the easiest to blame on, and i'm always at home and downstairs.

Maybe its because i'm a girl? But whatever, anything which happens, ITS MY FAULT!

Yeah, blame everything, blame ALL faults at me. Like DUH, whenever something happens its ALWAYS my fault!
Not anybody else, but MINE! Only MINE!
Yooohoo, its my fault! As always!

...

WHAT. THE. F*CK!

So just because i'm always downstairs that its appropriate to blame everything on me? Does this mean i have to migrate to my room and live the rest of my life in my room only?


Because of that i've developed a sort-of "bad-behaviour".

I. DON'T. LIKE. TO. BE. BLAMED.

Sure, NOBODY likes to be blame for something they didn't do, of course.

But as compared to "normal-people", i can get VERY irritated, annoyed, angry, pissed, mad and especially protective of myself, when i'm blamed for something i didn't do.

VERY "easily" hot-tempered to describe it easily!

Regardless if its just a "small-matter". Like forgetting to switch off the lights, or etc.

To the extend i can start arguing with my parents or brothers just because of something small!

Not that i want to argue with them! Why want to argue? But i can't just couldn't stand being blamed when i didn't do something!

I don't want to put the blame on my mother, but i had to this time. I felt that its because of her constant blamings on me that i developed this "nasty habit". That i can get VERY ANGRY with whoever who blamed me for something i didn't do, no matter how small the matter is!


Mei jie has said that since i'm a girl, its easier for mothers to blame me as compared to my brothers, because mothers will somehow find it "harder" to blame or scold their sons (Except when its obviously their fault!).

What in the freaking world is that weird fact?

Though, it is somewhat true too, because my mother will ALWAYS scold me if i did something, but NEVER scold my brother when he did the same thing.

For example, i would get scolded if i finish all the food and didn't leave some for other people, but she would NEVER scold my brother if he finishes it all, and didn't leave some for other people.
Till now my brother would just finish all the food without the simple courtesy of asking me if i still want it. That now only I would be the one who would nag my brother like i'm his mother, since mom would never nag him on such "simple-matters".

Great, i've "upgraded" myself to be my brother's "mother", as compared to the mistaken-identity that i'm his "older-sister"!

Well, mom will scold my brother too one lar, only when i complained with REAL PROOF and told her on the fact which she herself knew, but never want to admit!

Even so, she would never scold him terribly, just a small scold, never a big one, as compared to if I did it.


Its obvious my mother side my two elder brothers more, that being "kiasu" me i've to learn to be protective of myself since young, and never let such ridiculous blames trode all over me!

If i had NEVER learn to "fight-back", i would probably always be blamed for everything now!

But maybe i learn it a little too "over" too lar =P!
Whats with my gigantic voice box and loud voice, whenever i defend myself it would seem as if i'm "screaming my heads off" and speaking "really loud" =P!
Should really learn to control that, and not get so "easily hot-tempered"! And especially, control my loud voice!

To the extend now ALL my family members and relatives would feel like i'm always naughty and always bullying my mother!

Yeah, i admit i ALWAYS bully my mother =P, but won't anyone feel that sometimes it was not what i wanted?

Sometimes yes, its naughty me =P! But sometimes it could be the fact of what "caused" me to behave this way. I'm just protecting myself from unnecessary blames. My mother has this tendency to blame EVERYTHING on me, even when its a stranger's fault!

Though, i'll admit i "over" protected myself too much that i get hot-tempered easily =P! That, my fault! Shouldn't get hot-tempered, but couldn't help it.

Plus i'm much "stronger" lar, in the sense i'll protect myself and my mom is very "soft", so its normal for people to see me as the BULLY and my mom the VICTIM.

But really, won't anyone try understanding the whole matter in general, and what is behind it instead of just seeing what is in front of it?

Also, its only natural of my family members and relatives to not "blame" my mother when something happens lar, like hello, she's my MOM! An ADULT! Whatever she does is "CORRECT"! I'm the "kid", so EVERYTHING i do will be WRONG! DUH!

...

Whatever lar, i feel i'm not making much sense here, but most important is i know what i'm trying to say, and thats enough.

But here's a fact.

Even a small harmless creature like a rabbit would fight back if the "bullying" is too much.

Why in this world, people would always see things from "what they see", but NEVER try to understand what is behind all this?

Like when a dog accidentally kills someone, it would be human's first reaction to blame the dog. But can't people see that its probably the owner of the dog who had caused the dogs aggresive behaviour in the first place?
Or its probably that the "victim" who has offended or taunted the dog in the first place, so its only "natural" that the dog would've attacked the said "victim".

Or when a crocodile killed a human, the crocodile or other crocodiles who looked the same (Which all of them does!) will get killed and blamed for being a "man-eater", but they would NEVER blame the human.
It IS possible that the human has entered the crocodiles territory in the first place, which made him defensive which leads to the attack! Or maybe the human has taunted the crocodile as well.

I guess its only in human's nature to blame everything on the animals, since they could not "fight-back", tell the truth, or hire a lawyer to sue humans, so whatever, everything bad animals to humans are "their fault".

...

I'm blabbering my opinions again, ehem... excuse me, but that is the truth, you can't deny it.

Back to the original story, ehem, sorry i side-tracked too much =P!

Last time, my eldest brother would use to blame me first too, if the door isn't lock, or nail-clippings everywhere (Which is my bad habit he knew very clear of =P!). So i would always defend myself, but maybe too over, that sometimes arguing would happen!
Luckily now he would ask "Who did it?" first, as compared to blaming me for EVERYTHING last time!

Thank God my dad won't blame me, or anyone else too in fact, for anything which happened, except when its obviously my doings =P.
He would ask to see who did it first, and if its something "really" bad (Like forgetting to leaving the doorkeys on the door etc.), the person would get scolded.

Mom?
Aiyar, this blog wouldn't have been written if mom would be like my dad in the first place!

I'm not saying my mom is bad or what, I LOVE MY MOM!
MY MOM IS THE FREAKING BEST MOM IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!
Otherwise i wouldn't be this spoiled or erm, this size, in the first place =P!

But it would be better if my mom wouldn't blame everything on me first without finding out who the real culprit is, or say things to my dad that i don't even remember i've ever said before in my life when we're arguing, and PLEASE start nagging and scolding my brother instead of ME having to do the job!
I'm happy being my brother's kid sister, its still OK if people *think* i'm his older sister, BUT I NEVER WANT TO BE HIS MOTHER FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!

But if mom were so, my mom would be purr-fect, and nobody's purr-fect in this world, so i guess i had to live with it.

At least i'm capable of "protecting" myself, to an over-extend which i must correct so it wouldn't hurt anyone but only harm myself. Its ok, because i'm of no importance to this world, except to animals who i strongly stand to help their rights.

Whatever lar, let me go play my HarvestMoon now before college starts tomorrow.

TOMORROW! ARGH! Time flies so fast o(T-T)o... haven't "play" enough... sort-of...

Now the time has come for me to start college tomorrow, i damn bloody lazy adee. Haish.

Good luck for now, i guess!


FIGHTING!~

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