Gatal.

I want to be there.

I want to know how is everything now.

But i'm here.


Thank you BiBi and everyone else at the party who helped me get my mind off things just now.

Thank you Auntie for calling me and updating me on the latest SuJu info.


I realize i could no longer cry anymore.

Maybe i'm just stifling it. But whatever.

I was listening to Han Saramaneul after opening a Clubbox page, and gatal gatal go click on a news article link, despite being forewarned of a photo which comes together with the article.

I'm sorry Auntie, kimchi's been a bad cabbage (not of the rotten busuk type, but close).


It was KyuHyun's part when i saw the pic.

He was singing one of the part which i love most from the song (well, all parts are my favourite honestly).

Listening to the voice that i had gotten so used to since last year.

Remembering how cute he was when i met him.

How i would sometimes forget about him, but i would never miss him out, because he is our super magnae.

The retarded, silly, hamsap, but at the same time, lovable as always. Eversince the first time i saw him, whether through megapixels or when our eyes met.


It almost came out but i tried to stop it.

Which then it stopped completely, merely wetting my eyes because some came too fast before i was able to ask it to go back politely.

This has been happening for quite some time.

I realize except for the heart-wrecking feeling i'm feeling, i wouldn't cry anymore.

Nor would i be able to cry for the matter anymore.

Is it because i told myself not to cry anymore?

Or is it because the feeling has sank so deep tears can no longer explain how i'm feeling at the moment?

Maybe i'm just acting strong.

Heck, maybe i AM trying to be strong and stay strong for them!


Leader is fine. Ramyun is fine. Monkey is fine. Baby is fine.

But till i see them smile and starts acting retardedly my heart will never rest.

FIGHTING!

Watermelon. BuKyeongBab. TauFooFah. Simba. Strawberry. Chicken Rice. Prince(ss). DanHoBak. Fishy.

AJA FIGHTING!

우리 슈퍼주니~~ 어~~~ 에요!!!~~~~~



ps: As mentioned above the "tears-almost-fall-out-but-went-back-in" and all those?

LUCKILY when it happens no one is around.

Because i know how i looked like when i do that.

I can imagine my expression.

My face will all screw up as if i just smelled Leader's pyjamas (who he never washes, i think, but he only wears them to sleep so cincai lar!)!

It looks really funny, thinking about it makes me feel like hiding my head inside a plastic bag (like what my HeeChul always likes do when he sees a plastic bag) to save myself embarrassment should anyone had seen it!

Which... luckily no one did...

If anyone did, it'll be when i'm driving, and the driver of the car next to mine saw what i did for that split-second.

But what is he doing looking at me when he should be looking at the road?

Bleurgh!