I came to realize that some people seem to think that i don't have and never have any problems in my life. You know they think so from the comments they make, whether in a good way or sarcastic way.
Well, just because i don't announce any problems i have with a loud speaker, nor make it public that even the Polar Bears up north knows what i had for breakfast today, does not mean that i don't have problems or troubles ok!
Personally, if i think people should know, i'll tell. If i think otherwise, then otherwise it shall be. It's that simple.
Just because i choose not to tell people, not to share what's troubling me, doesn't mean that i don't have problems! Sometimes i choose not to tell because i think my problems are not too important, or i don't want others to worry about me, or i don't want you to be unhappy because of my problems. I am happy when others around me are happy, and when they are happy, they make me happy, so it's ok. It's a circle!
And i seriously hate awkward moments when i tell you whats wrong and you don't know how to help me and just awkwardly change the topic. So isn't it better if i just keep it to myself?? Not that it makes you a bad person! It's definitely not! It's just well, why bother?
I also hold onto the fact that if you really care, you would eventually know. There are times when i want to tell, but circumstances prohibits because i don't know how to start. I also came to realize if people really want to know how you are recently, they'll ask. People who care cares. They won't leave you alone until they need you or something. You just know it!
Oh yes, i was hit with quarter-life-crisis some time earlier this year, and i can tell you, this coupled with a couple of other things, it's not good. It's horrible! It's like the whole world is falling! I'm thankful and grateful that despite being such an emo and sensitive person, i'm wonderfully positive (well, most of the time anyways), otherwise i really don't know how i'll get through this!
And here i seriously want to thank some people who had helped me so much (they don't know they did, but they made such a huge difference i don't think i'll ever forget to be thankful to them in a hurry!)... even though they didn't know, but still, i'm forever more grateful that they were there for me when i needed someone most!
And here is a confession i'm making. If you think it was horrible, wait till you find out that i was actually "hit" with "quarter-life-crisis" TWICE! Can you believe it?
That said, the last time i didn't know it was quarter life crisis, and i just mumble over it, tried to avoid it, and that's why it probably hit me extra hard when it came back eventually.
This time, i think i can say that i was lucky there are wonderful peoples around who has helped me through it, and i came to realize it's not that bad after all. You just need to stay positive and put things into perspective. I learn that avoiding it isn't the solution because it'll eventually come back (and slap you round the face). Just face it, and try doing something about it, then accept whatever may come even if it's not so good. Live the moment. Carpe diem.
I'm especially grateful that this "episode" in my life taught me a lot. It taught me a lot about other people, but most importantly it taught me a lot about myself and what i can do, and what i should do. Who i really am as a person.
I learned about my insecurities, and how to overcome them. I learned what and who is important to me.
The Australia trip especially proves most important to me. I guess being "away from it all" for so long, being able to be away from "reality", because it's like being on such a long holiday and away from the place, it puts everything into perspective. I learned to reflect on a lot of things i just tend to shove and avoid before.
I've also learned a few valuable lessons, which hopefully, will remind me of what matters and everything else =)!
All in all, i just wanted to say a big thanks to those people (who didn't know about it till now perhaps, kekeke), and i'll try to be a better person! Okwecan do it together yo!
I love my 13 boys (^^ )!
I love you guys a freaking amazing lot too! Thank you!
Go go go!