Emo-ness attack...

Sometimes i really admire HeeChul-oppa...
No, i really do admire HeeChul-oppa... perhaps even envy?

Apart from the constant contact with my ChoiMario and the rest of SuJu, apart from being able to perform freely to his own desire, apart from knowing his taste, what he really likes and does not need to worry or care about what other's think on his tastes, apart from being able to be himself, apart from being surrounded by true friends and people who really care about him, apart from being able to express his feelings and opinion on what he really feels all the time without any worries in the world (Being straightforward ler!)...
...
On second thought, i just admire and envy HeeChul-oppa ler... for everything!

Honestly, i don't know him, but you can really "feel" how his like when you see him from those variety shows etc!
Its like, his true self is already there! What you see is what you get! And his not afraid to be himself!
Being CinderellaHeeChul, his cute clothes and bunny slippers!
With all his little dongsaengs who loves and respects him!
Sure he may sound mean sometimes, but thats who he is =P!

I seriously envy HeeChul-oppa... he is just so himself... and is not afraid to be himself...

If i was even half as alike as HeeChul-oppa, my world would probably be a better place...

Haha...

Hehehe, just being emo because of a certain something...
HECK! They don't read my blog! I'll just go ahead and blurt it all out!
Keeping it to myself only is really difficult in the sense it'll make me more emo perhaps, and that i'll probably feel better if i say it out... to whoever it may be even...
If i were not to do so, then whats the point of having a blog =)?

Anyways, it goes like this... prepare yourself...
There's this group of friends i use to hangout with always during Form1 to Form3.
ShiYin, Julie and SzeYin!
The "e4"!
But after entering Form4, where our classes are really different and far apart, we didn't always hang-out much (Usually during recess last time!), but i chose to believe that we are still "quite" close, even if we are not alike the "old-times"...

Then after graduating, we "said" we'll continue, with our "weekly-yumchar-sessions"...
Which changed to "random-ly", because everyone was kinda busy with their own lives, exams tests and all!
I was the only "very-free-one", because being me, i seriously "slacked" through ICPU o(^^;)o... And apart from that, i also feel that taking a break for a few hours from work won't "die" one mar, as long as the work doesn't need to be hand in the next day ler!

Anyways, due so because they were usually "busy", the sessions got lesser, somemore because its like, if I didn't initiate the plans to go yumchar, chances are nothing will happen...
AND THEY COMPLAIN THEY ARE USUALLY THE ONE WHO HAVE TO ASK ME OUT!
Hello, if you looked back, seriously most of the time i suggested it one o(=.=")o...
But of course, i suggest then we split work on contactings and all! Not only ME have to contact everyone!

And then after my graduation, i seriously did no calls, and NOTHING happened (Yumchar-wise!)!

So last Monday upon bumping into ShiYin at PasarMalam, i asked "Hey, lets yumchar this Fri before everyone else gets busier!"!
Also because there's alot of stories i want to hear, and it has really been awhile since we gathered!
Plus since i very "free" now, and i also feel that probably when i start classes i'll definately be "busy", so the chances for yumchar in the future might be lesser!

So we spread work, with me contacting Sze, and Shi always in contact with Ju can contact Ju!
But Ju can't come, she was "needs to study and was grounded"!
I guess as long as we're not 21years old yet, we can still get grounded huh?
I DO have another "point" on her reasons, but i choose not to disclose it, abit the too private!
But don't care ler, as long as Sze and Shi can still make it, why cancel it?

Sze darling CAN make it last Thurs (Said will reply back on Wed, but end up ME reminding her on Thurs o(=.=")o...), but just now she sms-ed me she forgot she had replacement classes for her language class, so she can't make it...
WHAT. THE. *toot*!
But yeah, got class so what to do?
Then i replied her an emo one, just to state how i feel, and then asked her to tell mom we cancel the whole yumchar ler, since otherwise it'll be only me, Shi and ChunTuck then.
Then... no reply anymore...
*toot*, you FFK already at least can reply say "next time we go out ler", right?

I've developed this "point" sometime ago, and i really want to tell that to them, but i guess i'm not like HeeChul-oppa? No chance too anyways!
I have this feeling is that only I am interested in meeting-up as to not let the "friendship" die down, they are just "keeping up" with me!
Thus, if I wasn't even in abit interest for the yumchar-sessions, seriously, NOTHING would've been done...
So yeah, you have it, because seriously, out of 5 times, i was the one who initiated the idea of yumchar at least 3 times... but of course, they do help contact contact, and not i contact everyone!

But anyways, for now, i am FED-UP of all this already... i mean, whats the use of "meeting-up" to strengthen the friendship when only I am the one interested in so, whereas everyone else wast just keeping up with me?
As my last two posts has said, i don't believe in "close-friends" who won't be in touch for like, a month or so, and only one side is trying to "stay the same" while the other "couldn't care less" to contact the other or so.
Just like SamSoon as well, may i honestly state this point here. But that is another story.

So anyways, yes, my conclusion now is that they are my friends, and i seriously love them as friends as usual.
But i've had enough of having to be the only one who is to initiate all the meet-ups so we could stay in touch and all.
I feel that i don't want to care much more whether we stay "close-friends" or not, because it just makes me emo-er! Especially when i plan, then they cannot come etc, makes me emo worst!
Especially cuz now i'm still "nursing" a heartbreak from "what-had-happened-during-July"!
MAKES ME SUPER EMO NYA ALWAYS!
So yes, thats it!
Same with SamSoon and some other old friends as well!
I've decided that i don't want to have to be the only one whose interested in keeping in touch.
If you're not interested, why should i be?
Close-friends don't "do-that" to each other.
Maybe its best if we stay as normal-good-friends ler =)! At least i'll feel better on the not-often-contactings!

Stating my point, thats all!


Now, back to another case...
I miss a certain 13 guys REAL BAD...
I'm worried i might just pack my bags, buy the airtickets to Thailand, and fly there!
Serious!
Even without any "company" OR tickets to the concert!
I WANT TO SEE THEM AGAIN THIS BADLY o(>.<)o!

But if you "think" logically, this is SERIOUSLY a bad idea because:
1: CousinKat's not back in Bangkok at that time.
2: Alone nya for all attacks, no one else. SO EMO!
3: Its Thailand. I DON'T BLOODY HELL SPEAK THAI (Except "Sa-wa-dee-kaa"!)!
So yeah, its seriously a "bad-idea" o(=.=")o...

But... I REALLY WANT TO SEE THEM AGAIN o(T-T)o!
Especially when i've missed out SO MANY chances of meeting them *super emo again*...
So i'm just afraid that now, my heart might take over my brain and command my legs to Bangkok!
ARGH!
Cannot, really cannot go! SAVE MONEY!
...
I can't believe i've even felt of using the money i saved for my next year w-inds. concert to go to Korea, just so i could see them again o(=.=")o...
CANNOT LIKE THAT LAR o(>.<)O!

They are seriously "torturing" me...

I hate Super Junior... for doing this to me...
...
But i can't... i'm too into them adee now... it might be hard to get me out...
...
I WANT TO GO YUMCHAR LAR o(>.<)O!!!
I miss RotiPlanta o(T-T)o...

Aiyar, just be a good girl, stay at home, and stuff your head into emo-ness lar o(=.=")o...
bloody hell...