I hope you're doing fine. Better than you had ever been if you had been here.
I missed you alot.
First off, i don't know why i'm writing this.
I'm usually someone who could not cope well with departure, it takes time for me to get the truth to sink in, then only i'll be able to talk about the happy memories without needing to worry that my eyes will get wet. If done before, i could cry really easily.
I'm not someone who would bawl easily. But i can really "bawl" if it comes to it, even if i told myself over and over not to cry.
Its probably because i just need to write this down.
I'm worried most about GirlGirl now. You two were the cutest pair of rabbits ever. I'm doing my best to be a better owner, but is it enough? You and GirlGirl had been together through thick and thin, even now when you two had to live in seperate cages, i could see how much you two still love each other through your interactions though separated by the horrible steel cage.
Its not that i don't want to put you two together, its just... i'm sorry for being selfish.
I could see GirlGirl really miss you a lot. Luckily LuiLui is there to accompany her, grooming her whenever she feels down. I hope she feels better soon.
Although i had tried and tried to convince myself that your leaving is for the better, i could not help but feel why do you have to go. I was waiting for you to get well, so you could go back to seeing GirlGirl, and be the silly bunny you had always been.
I didn't take any pics when you had fall sick, because i have alot of faith in you that you will get better, only then i would take pics. Not that i need any, i have enough memories of you with me to last me a lifetime.
I'll always remember you as the most obedient of the lot; when GirlGirl gave birth, and i was too stingy to buy a cage, you stayed within the confinements of the back room, not leaving even when we left the door open. You even know where to poopoo and peepee, which is on the newspaper i left by GirlGirl's cage for you.
Actually, you and GirlGirl, before the birth of your next generations, were really obedient honestly. Knowing where to poo and pee, which is back in your cage, that i have no fear if i leave the cage open. You guys really love running around the bad room yah?
As much as i love my new house now, i can't help but to miss life at the old house because you guys were happiest there. You had the whole backroom to yourself, and the backyard too when i let you guys out! All the grass to munch, and for GirlGirl, all the plants to destroy! I could always come to see you whenever too, as compared to now when the time i spent out there are limited.
I miss how you jumped up into the air happily when i first let you out to the backyard last time. You and GirlGirl had explored every single inch of the backyard!
I'm sorry i mistreated you sometimes when i am not in the mood. But you are forgiving, even when i had carried you, which you all really dislike it, you do not stay mad at me unlike GirlGirl. You do not fear me as much as your children had did. You always lay low and give the feeling you're "coo-ing" whenever i stroke you. GirlGirl too. You had always been there for me whenever i feel down, and giving me strength whenever i need it.
You were the first rabbit i had ever bath, and as nervous and scared you are, you remained still until i was finished. Hehehe, it was fun though scary that time!
You had been with me through when i grew up. I always remember when i got into K-pop, and always singing Korean songs, how you and the rest hated it, preferring me to sing J-pop songs when i'm tending to you guys! Well, now we know that even rabbits, foods and tastes aside, do have preference when it comes to listening!
You had a few problems in the past; whats with the eye-infection, and one time, really bad fur problesm which i don't know why, but you pulled through those. The eye infections healed, and your fur has grown really beautifully, the best out of the lot! And also a couple of times you had stomach problems that you didn't want to eat and had scared the daylights out of me. But i guess this time was a little too tough for my little boy right?
I don't blame you, i blame myself.
But actually, you were so tough i thought you would be able to pull through it. You got better after the round of diarrhea, then somehow it gotten a bit bad, but after the second vet trip you really seemed you would get better. I feel it had not really improve tremendously, but at least it did not deteriorate. And i did feel it improved a bit seeing that you were eating.
I guess i should've seen the signs when you didn't want to eat as much as you had before.
You hated the carrot and banana baby food, but you really like the applesauce (as long as its not too diluted) and pure carrot juice. Though so, you'll still entertain me by at least eating some, and throughly loving that pure carrot juice!
I woke up this morning to face the fact that you had left.
The first thing i thought of when i woke up was that i had to feed you, till i remember i need not do it anymore.
The past week had been horrible, you grew so thin, i thought i got the wrong rabbit home from the vet. As compared to the chubby little boy you were before. I only got reassurance when i see that cute chubby face of yours, which had never changed ever since i first hold you, and always looking back at me with those long eyelash and as much as you fear me, you always look at me with much love.
I'll never forget your silly and blur looks.
And of course, how beautiful your eyes were.
I've seen a lot of rabbits' eyes in my lifetime, but non of them matches your eyes.
There were big and round, and you have long eyelashes which i never though rabbits could have. The rest have them too, but just not as visible as yours. Which made you look even blurrer, sillier but also the cutest and prettiest (handsome) rabbit ever.
I'll miss looking at them.
Oh yah, and your double-coloured eye. Yeah, don't thought i didn't notice, one of your eyes is really really a dark shade of brown, the other black with a tinge of dark blue! I knew it cause i have spend a good amount of time looking at them.
I'm sorry i was not there with you when you leave, and that you were very much alone when you left.
Even when you leave, you had closed your eyes, and seemed really peaceful. Its as if you had died in your sleep.
But what caught me most is, if i had went out earlier that day, would i had been able to bid goodbye to you?
I know i told you that if you are really in pain, just go but at least let me say goodbye. That night i said it, you were still ok the next morning, so i thought you will do fine. But then the very next day, before i had a chance to say a proper goodbye, you had already left.
This is something which i will never know.
Though BaiBai and ZaiZai had left earlier before you, i felt really apologetic to them that i'm bias, but i missed you most. I missed you alot.
5 years (4 years plus actually) is not short. But its not long either.
I regret not spending much time with you till you leave.
I'm sorry i was such a bad owner.
I hope you are happy where you are now.
As much as i will miss you, i'll do my very best to convince myself that you had really left for the better. You need not suffer anymore.
I'll stay strong, i promise i'll take good care of GirlGirl and LuiLui, and i'll always smile when i think of you.
I love you loads, and i will always miss you.
ps: I'm sorry if i have to remove your pic from my board temporarily.
But don't worry, it'll be up in no time, i'm sure of it!
You deserve to live only in my happy memories =)!
I love you!
From,
Mom
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